afNosfnsf] ;f]daf/] cf¤}zL

On the Auspicious Occasion of Father’s Day: 9^th Bhadra. 2071 (25^th August. 2014), Monday

Written By          : Jeevan Dahal

Contact               : Chandragadi – 1, Jhapa

                           : 9841981057, jeevdsk@gmail.com

                           : www.jeevdsk.blogspot.com, www.jeevandahal.com.np,  

klxn] xfdL ;fgf] %¤bf, bfbf, bLbL, clg d efO{ ;u}¤ ;'lTyd\ . Toxf¤ Ps hgfn] eGYof], “cfh t ;f]daf/] cf¤}zL xf] gL, gaf]nL g'xfpg] lbg .” clg csf]{n] eGYof], “x}g, cfh} xf] / < n' d t g'xfpg uP¤ .” csf]{ eg] lvTt xf¤;]/, “lsg af]]Nof ltdLx? <” eGYof] .

o;/L, cf]%\ofgd} af]n]/ ef klg xfdL ;f]daf/] cf}¤zLdf g'xfp+¤lyd\ . cfh t tLg} hgf xfdL, tLg cnu cnu b]zdf %f}¤ . clg pgLx?n] s] u/] xf]nfg\ < v} b]Vg ;lsPg, ;'Gg klg kfO{Pg, ToxL eP/ d}n] s]xL kQf] kfOg . t/ d rfxL¤ cfh gaf]nL ToxL If)fx? ;lDemP/ g'xf¤P .

Feeling memorials of the afNosfnsf strong ofbx? !!!

LIFE CHANGED ALONG WITH TIME -A Simple Tail Piece

                              LIFE CHANGED ALONG WITH TIME

-          A SIMPLE TAIL PIECE

lhGbuL ;]tf] xn'sf l;Ssfaf^ ef/L ;'gf}nf] l;Ssfdf kl/)ft eof] . lhGbuL xl/of] df]? 1 sf] gf]^af^ xl/o} 100 sf] gf]^ eof] . Tolt a]nf ;'g ;:tf] lyof] t/ ;'gf}nf] l;Ssf cfy]g, clg olt a]nf ;'g rfxL cfsfzsf] kmn h:t} ef % . t/ km]/L l;Ssf rfxL ;'gf}nf] /] .

lhGbuL ;f¤Rr} ablnPsf] % .

clg km/L, Tolt a]nfsf] xl/of] df]? 1 clxn] g]? 100 ePsf] %, Tof] klg xl/o} . Tolt a]nf df]? 1 g} geO Ps wfgL{ cfn' cfpg klg xDd] xDd] .

xf], lhGbuL ;f¤RrLs} ablnP% .

v}, oL t dfq pbfx/)f x'g\ . ;fgf pbfx/)f, ^"Rr .

v}, lhGbuL ;f¤RrLs} ablnPsf] xf] / <

sIff 11 df “Six Million Dollar Man” eGg] kf& k(]sf] lyP . cfh 2071 klg eof] . sIff 11 df Tof] kf& k(]sf] klg 10 jif{ lalt;s]% . s] ca d “Six Hundred Million Dollar Man” t ePsf] %}g <

k|Zg ;f]rgLo % x} .

Jeevan Dahal (Jeev DSK)

jeevdsk@gmail.com, 9841981057

www.jeevdsk.blogspot.com, www.jeevandahal.com.np, 

                     THE NIGHTMARE INSTANCE!!!

Jeevan Dahal

Chandragadi – 1, Jhapa, Nepal

jeevdsk@gmail.com, jeev.dsk@facebook.com

9841981057

 I became a victim of terror and it was due to a sound of steel bowl that came from a nowhere place. Yes, I remember the speed so high like a lightning and then the sound like a thunder. For some moment ahead my mind went short fused off, probably of short circuiting and resulting all my biological function going wrong at once. I felt that I am stiff – I could not move, I could not hear anymore – I became deaf. I could not see – I became blind at once. I could not speak – I became a dumb and my lips stumbling so mercilessly that my jaws also shook violent. It was all due to the sound of a bowl thrown. The bowl thrown by my father.

I am an eldest son of my parents and besides me, my two brothers and our little sister. So we were six altogether in a hut where we were called “The Sukumbashi” i.e. people having no land and no homes. Our home consisted of two rooms separated by a stick and hay bar. But actually we could feel all of us touched because that bar acting as a wall separated nothing as we could clearly see what’s happening on the so called next room. You know, even my a half and a year more old sister could see the happenings while standing herself with the support of thin and algae coated bamboo that supported almost major part of our roof that was made with hay.

We convinced ourselves being in front of light of the moon all nights while the moonlight shone bright to me and that entered from half – constructed walls. Days are always joyful to me because all day we (me and my brothers) ran at the river banks, hunted fishes and in the forest we used to hunt birds for fun and for tiffin as well. Either in summer or winter, no matter we cared for rain, no matter we cared for fog, we didn’t card the good and the adverse weather. We wore faded half pants and brownish turned white shirt. I thought that slippers were not invented as nobody used to wear in our locality.

Our energy never depleted in the day time but nights were so cruel to us. It always became painful with wounds, bruises, itches, leeches on our legs and sometime burning belly due to half fed food. Yet, I didn't realize the by gone days and nights though joyful or painful. My night dreams swept all those to I don’t know where and in the morning I became refreshed with new hopes, new ideas to play games in the dust, games with fishes in the river and hide and seek with birds in the forest. That was all I realized in every new mornings.

Sometime, we brothers used to quarrel and fight till injury and then get ready for mom’s beating, but before she could get, two of us would flee away and didn't go home until dusk. Fishes became our victim of hungry stomach and sometimes birds. What else we could do, we almost never expected launch from our parents from the time I know as my parents they used to be so much busy to go to their respective works for I don’t know for whom. But only sometimes they left us cooked food. Every parents from our locality did the same as our parents did. They left their sons and daughters who were quite older, I mean older more than four years old and they carried the younger ones with them.

A couple of years and older than me, they used to scold us sometimes. They used to dominate us being seniors. However, they were friendly within the passage of time. They used to teach us using obscene languages and we brothers would close our mouth with both hands and laugh silently outside and violently inside. But over the running days we were also easy going with dirty speaking. Some of them used to take girls left by their parents at home in the forest, on drains, bushes, river banks and do whatever they would like to and we also learnt the same tradition. There was no difference between a girl and a boy in our locality. What boys do, girls also did the same. Well, ‘education’- it was like a lonely word that no one knew of. But inside, I was always fascinated by the term school. Yes, every day was a picnic, every day was a party, every dawn until dusk meant game for us and joys for us. Everybody was like a whore and male prostitute – a girl or a boy in the locality. All were good and all were bad at the same time.

Well, that was all outside!

My mom, she is a very busy mom and my father, he is muscular, tall and black and he is busy as well. My mom used to work in a nearby tea garden, I suppose. At 7 right after the dawn she used to hurry and would come right at the dusk. She seemed pale though she’s black and she’s already tired all evening. But she used to continue preparing food for the evening and I used to help her. My brothers cared our little sister with 24/7 runny nose. We had very few kitchen utensils and I counted while my mom washed dishes at dark. My father, he used to come very late, already drunk and his presence would become fearful to me. He stepped very heavy as I feel frightened. My little sister would have slept then after mom’s milk. Brothers would also sleep early because of over enjoyable day time. My eyes didn't close until my father’s presence; after all he is our eldest, protector and god and all. He loved my mom very much. He is five years elder to her and they were from the same village. Affair and sex led them towards marriage. I could more or less find out by their talking. Even sometimes, I heard my mom screaming in pleasure and my father breathing so quickly. I knew all what that meant and practiced the same with girls at the day time. Those girls used to enjoy as I did. And that’s why my mom was satisfied with my father.

One night, when the moon was full and bright and my eyes were charmed in the beautiful full moon, I also was waiting my father come home, eat what mom prepared, have a chit chat with her, plan their and plan our future, make love in the dark and so and so. Long hours had passed by and he didn't come. So my eyes were tender and desperate to rest, I just felt in a quick sleep. But after a short while, I heard something. Mom was sobbing. I could clearly know that and she sobbed so soft as if she feared that her boys would see. To see the clear view I turned their side in the moonlight. My father was in front of my mom like a giant, very dark and muscular as mentioned earlier. I didn't understand what was going on in the dark at mid – night. And again, my father roared, “You are a mother fucker whore. Why ain’t there for me today?” Obviously he was drunk. I saw him kicking her one into her back and squeezing her breast so hard that would hurt her. He again roared, “It’s your fault, yes it was my mistake I married a whore like you.” I was in a mess, not understood what the matter was all about?

I rolled my eyes towards my mom, she was continuing sobbing – her one hand wiping tears from her eyes and the other hand covering blouse that was torn a bit. I starred at the scene. What I could do else more than watching. My mom was scolded because of children she gave birth and because of less food cooked. Well, he knows he is and we are poor, but today what happened to my father who loved his spouse ever. He was a loving father, he is and will be till our death, but I could not understand why he was acting like that. I was every morning thinking, questions made me stiff and dull for some moment. I looked at my two little brothers who were sleeping and lost into the Eden of dreams and completely ignorant about what’s going on at home in the middle of the night. Only my mom, father and to some extent I knew what all that meant for.

Tears rolled from eyes however I didn’t produce any kind of sound. Just they kept falling on the mat I was lying; I kept on watching at them. After a quarrel, my father slept aside my mom. What could he do more than that? I thought that he also might have realized, it was not only the fault of mom otherwise why would he sleep with his partner after scolding and shouting her so furiously? Why would he live with her all day and night? I believe he knows all that, he knows that they were equally involved in taking pleasure with each other, or else who are we four extra apart from them? He all day worked and for whom he worked? Each and every seconds of the night new buds of questions blossomed. I kept thinking and answering to myself and then they faded and wrinkled.

The more I thought, the more I realized, questioned and answered again and again as if they never ended. I also sobbed for a long, long time. The root cause of our condition, those quarreled and fought nights was poverty. Yes, poverty was the only determinant that made my mom’s eye watery, her blouse torn, my father so furious and violent, myself in tears and thoughtful. My two little brothers dream of new tricks to show their friends the next day and our little sister had to satisfy with mom’s breast milk. It was the only cause, my father becoming a drunkard, my mother a whore to my father and we all an endless tiresome burden came from a nowhere place. As a reel of film and the Carnival’s big round swing. I remembered what I've done and learnt to become a boy and found lost while searching the answer because the answer itself was nil and my search engine.

I am 9. I remembered my parents uttering that word to me last week but they also did not know my exact date of birth. In the same night, I thought to myself not going to play in the river, in the forest, not roaming with friends searching for girls and go for them but rather go and search something which could end this type of life, which could divert my mind with wisdom. At least I will learn new things, interact with people, do something and contribute for my family so that I would never see my father angry and my mother sobbing in silence fearing whether her children sleepiness would tear into pieces. At least, I would become busy and be an example to show path way to my brothers.

My childish mind invested in computing a new horizon, a new destination of my life in the early morning.

Jeevan Dahal
jeev.dsk@facebook.com
9841981057

A BASIC VIEW, “TO INVESTMENT ON REAL ESTATE SECTOR THAT ADVERSE AGRICULTURE”

Nepal is an agricultural country and no doubt 75% to 80% of the total population are directly involved in agricultural occupation. From the ancient time itself, Nepalese are found to be hardworking and loyal on their occupation but the use of trendy traditional tools and equipment’s depreciation on the production has become a major drawback.

Going back to the 1950’s and 1960’s, Nepal used to export different agricultural products to neighboring and overseas countries. But along with the increasing population and diverged educational concepts; mind diversities on extrovert - ism about occupation gradually dwelled within little percentage of Nepalese. Increasing globalization, technological advancement, Trans – boarder investments came into existence thereafter. The pace of change, the World and Nepal felt, was the same – however, Nepalese gross domestic product (GDP) still depended upon agricultural sector.

Post 1990’s development on banking sector brought huge awareness on how to utilize own capital for simultaneous growth of people and local areas. Public confidence grew along with to invest on diversified areas like hydro – electricity, agriculture, transportation, industries, and telecommunications. This way to a greater extent living standard as well as conceptual perceiving ability of the people changed synergistically.

People preferred single family rather than joint. This resulted migration, settlements and urbanization. Now, people have started their different businesses for their living standard enhancement and Banks and Financial Institutions (BFIs) have supported a lot becoming somewhat standby guarantor and backbone for dynamic, creative and competent those amidst financing for sector wise development.

Among those businesses, real estate sector is found to be highly influensive in a sense that although being risk-able, it is one of the best collateral to secure loans they extend. But the same investments to the plotting (Res) business has become an identical cause for decreasing agricultural productivity. This consequence has become eased to justify pertaining that today we can see so called fertile and agriculture friendly lands are converted into a plot for buy and sale purpose. And there comes a general citizen with ample hardships done in hills and mountains to purchase and settle on the same. At that point of time he forgets all his toils and hardships and skills for survival on his own land. This is the derivation of a common scenario.

Now, had the banks and financial institutions (BFIs) enhanced on the ample environment for agricultural setbacks by encouraging and motivating pupil bringing advanced agricultural tools, technologies, machineries to use it on the agricultural sector mortgaging the same plot through impressive schemes and products than the productivity would not decline rapidly resulting to high deficit of trade and negative balance of payments from the major GDP contributor.

Had there been implemented threshold system and using appropriate investments on agricultural plan from the government’s side creating best suited environment than also some amount of revenue generation would have been collected. Even better town planning and real estate placement at specified places would have turned worthwhile.

As agriculture is the back bone of the nation, contributing 39% of gross domestic production, it is necessary to feel on how to develop the sector by effectively transforming real estate business in the country and prioritize justification for better output.

″ >L pxf¤nfO{ tfnL Æ

/f]:^daf^ cfjfh cfof], “o; sfo{qmddf kfNg'ePsf k|d'v cltly Ho" >L px¤fnfO{ cfkm\gf] cf;g u|x)f ul/lbgx'g xflb{s cg'/f]w ub{%' .”

>L px¤f p&\g'ef], k// tfnL aHof] . gd:sf/ ug{'ef] clg cfkm\gf] cf;g u|x)f ug'{ef] === k// tfnLn] ;Dk')f{ ;efxng} u'~hodfg eof]] .

Ps}l%g\ cf;g u|x)fsf] sfo{qmd ;s]kl% km]/L /f]:^daf^ cfjfh cfp% “o; sfo{qmdsf k|d'v cltly >L px¤f Ho"nfO{ oxf cfP/ b'O{ zAb af]lnlbg x'g xflb{s cfu|x ub{%' . wGojfb . ”

km]/L pxf¤ p&\g'x'G% === k// tfnL aHof], alh/x\of] /f]:^dsf] dfOs;Dd k'u'Gh]n . &"nf &"nf /fhf dxf/fhfn] cfkm\gf k|hfx?nfO{ n e}uf] eg]/ xft p&fPem}+, pxf¤n] klg Toxf¤ pkl:yt dflg;x?nfO{ xft p&fP/ xNnfO{lbg'x'G% . aNn aNn tfnL /f]lsG% . t} klg tfnLsf] u'~hodfg t s'gf sfgLaf^ ;'Ggdf cfO/xG% .  dfOsdf unf ldnfP/ zAbdfq s] pRrf/)f ub}{ x'g'x'GYof] km]/L k// tfnL aHof], >L pxf¤ d';'Ss xf¤:g'eof] .

sfo{qmd pb\#f]ifsn] s] b'O{ zAb af]Ng cfu|x u/]sf lyP, >L pxf¤n] ToxL b'O{ zAbnfO{ b'O{ #)^f nufP/ klg ;dfKt ug{ ^fn^'n ub}{ x'g'x'Yof] . ;efsf dflg;x? aLr aLrdf xftn] clg ?dfn af]Sg]n] ?dfnn] cfkm\g} cg'xf/ xlDs/x]sf lyP, sf]xL sf]xL v}lg df*\b} lyP . sf]O rfxL Rofk]sf v}lg lkRr lkRr y'Sb} lyP . sf]xL cfkm\gf] bfx|L d';fb}{ lyP . sf]xL eg] em\ofnlt/ Ps^sn] x]l//x]sf lyP . v} s] x]of{ xf]nfg\ ltgn] . sfo{qmd k|:tf]tf %Ss k/] .

PSsf;L ;efxndf ljß't aGb eof] . rln/x]sf kvf+x? la:tf/} la:tf/} ultxLg x'b} uof] . udL{sf] dlxgf t/ cx¤ pxf¤nfO{ b'O{ zAbsf cfkm\gf] hf]zx? pn¤{bf] x'G%g\, kl;gfsf wf/f alu/xG%g\ cfkm\g} kf/fdf, >L pxf¤ cfkm\gf ;Da]ux?df alu/xg'ef] . jfx k|:tf]tf cem %Ss kb{%g\ . otf ev{/ p¤Ub} ubf{ cfkm\g} ;xsdL{n] xNnfP/ em;é x'¤bf ;efxnsf dflg;x? tfnL lkl^/xGy] . em\ofn aflx/ x]g]{x? klg tfnL lkl^/xGy], v}lg df*\g]x? t eGg} gkg]{, tfnLsf] t l%gl%g\df jiff{ u/fp¤y] . o:t} o:t} b'O{ zAb o;/L b'O{ #)^f nufP/ af]Nb} ubf{ >L pxf¤sf zAbx?n] k^s k^s tfnLsf] pkxf/ kfO/x] clg ToxL tfnLsf] pkxf/nfO{ lzi^ ufnLsf] pTk|]/s dfGb} cfkm\gf] af]nLsf] d;fnf xfnL/xg'ef], >L pxf¤n] xfnL/xg'ef] .

/fdfo)f, dfxfef/t, j]b, uLtf, ljZj, e'd+)*n,cy{, /fhgLlt, z}lgs clg k|zf;g nufotsf b]lv, hgtfsf s'/fx? aNn aNn b'O{ zAbdf c^fP/ >L pxf¤n] Tof] sfo{qmdsf] k|;é / ljifoj:t' klxNofpg'ef] . klxNofPs} Ps}l%g\df pxf¤n] cfkm\gf] b'O{ zAbx? ^'léPsf] pb\#f]if ug'{x'G%, v} k/// tfnL aHof], tfnLn] nfnL r(] h:t} ;efxn u'~hodfg ef], >L pxf¤ d';'Ss x¤f:g'ef] .

pb\#f]ifsn] /f]:^d\df >L pxf¤sf] &¤fpm k|lt:yfkg gu/];Dd tfnL alh/xG% . x¤l;nf] d'b|fdf pb\#f]ifsn] wGojfb !fkg ub}{} sfo{qmd ;kmn ePsf] #f]if)ff ub{% . o;/L clGtd ;do;Dd} tfnL alh/xG% .

ho tfnLjfb ...

" lj:dft ! d kmls{¤bf"

hxf¤, d}n] ofbx? ;':tfPsf] lyP¤

cfh x]bf{ ToxL¤ n]pm nfu]% ! !

hxf¤ d}n] d]/f] hjfgL %f]*]sf] lyP¤

cfh kmls{¤bf ToxL cfO{nfP% ! !

hxf¤ d}n] n]Vbf n]Vb}sf] cflb kfgf %f]*]sf] lyP¤

kms]{/ kN^fp¤bf Tof] cw'/} /x]% ! !

hxf¤ d lx¤*\bf lx¤*\b} &flSsPsf] lyP¤

Tof] &f¤pm t klxNo} a;fO{¤ ;/]% ! !

clg d;u¤ cfh s]jn Tof] ofb %

s]jn Tof] &f]lSsPsf] &;\ %

s]jn Tof] cw'/f] kfgf %

s]jn Tof] cf]OnLPsf] hjfgL % ! !

c? t ;a} ;do;¤u} lanfP%

lj:dft\ ! =========== lj:dft\ ! !

uhn leq klg d}n] uhn n]Vbf ..

    HAPPY NEW YEAR 2071

uhn leq klg d}n] uhn n]Vbf

/flknf] sf]Onfdf cfkm\g} zAb ;]Sbf .

;fgf] d"gfn] a;Gtsf] #fd e]^] h:t}

Kof;L d[un] h+un leq kfgL e]^] h:t} ..

cg'e"tLsf] Jo" /f]k]+ d}n]

cgfsif{s ('+ufdf klg sNkgfsf] d"tL{ vf]k]+ d}n] .

ToxL ;fgf] Jo"n]

cfzf, Pstf, ;b\efj clg k/:k/ lasf; emf+uLPsf] ..

d}n] b]v]sf] 71 sf] ;"gf}nf] laxfgL

clg kf]Vb}%' kfgf leq Ppm^f ;fgf] sxfgL .

uhn leq klg d}n] uhn n]Vbf

/flknf] sf]Onfdf cfkm\g} zAb ;]Sbf ..

Zffob, 70 s]xL gu/L kf] lat]%

d}n] pl%G%' eGy]+, t/ ;don] g} kf] lht]% .

d}n] pl%G%' eGy]+, t/ ;don] g} kf] lht]% ..

JEEVAN DAHAL
9841981057
jeevdsk@gmail.com

www.jeev.dsk@facebook.com

   “PsfGtsf] v]nf}gfÆ                

zx/sf] dWo efu lt/, Pp^f Jo:t ;*ssf] lsgf/fdf d}n] cfkm'nfO{ kfs{ u/]sf] lyP¤ . sfnf] v/fgL /ésf] sf]^, sfn} kfOG^, ;]tf]df lkmSsf u'nfaL w;f]{ ePsf] ;^{ clg lgnf] ^fO{df plePsf] d le*ef* ePsf] ;*s k]^Ldf l&é pleg] cfkm}nfO{ Ps gd'gf &fGb} lyP¤, s;}n] &fgf];\ g&fgf];\ . xftdf nfPsf] sfnf] ;'gf}nf] /ésf] #*L x]b}{ g]kYoaf^ em'Nsg] kl/lrt cg'xf/sf] kvf{Osf] cfzfdf cfkm\gf ;fgf cf¤vfx? *'nfp¤b} lyP¤ . #fd t *'Ag nfu]sf] lyof] /}tgL pHofnf] klg ;fptL dfb}{ c¤w]/f] h+un leq k:g nfu]sf] lyof] . la:s'g %/]em}+ dfG%]x? ;f¤emdf *ndnfO{ /x]sf lyP . TolQs}df s'g} ckl/lrt o'jtL lt/ d]/f] gh/ &f]lSsof] . ldn]sf bf¤t, ufhn' cf¤vf, /]zdL sfnf skfn === d}n] cfkm\gf cf¤vfx? l;w} pgL lt/} ;f]em\ofP¤ - nfp/]n] AK 47 / LMG ;f]HofPem}+ . nfUof] pgL;u¤ d]/f] k'/fgf] kl/ro lyof] . pgL d':s'/fO{g, d klg s] sd /, ev{/ ljx] ug]{ pd]/sf] nSsf l&^f], pgL lt/} x]/]/ d':s'/fOlbP¤ . d]/f] s] g} kf] hfGYof] / . Pp^f gd'gf l&^f] / Pp^L d'gfaf^ kmls|P/ km"n ePsL l&^L, Rof§ k/]sf . Ps cfk;df d':s'/fp¤bf d sNkgfdf /Dg k'u]¤, x=cfsfzaf^ k'ikjiff{ eof], afbn' cfsfz lyof] – gLnf] eof] . lj:s'g h:tf dfG%]x? PsfPs kfx'gf eP . lhGbuL clj:d/l)fo aGb} uof] . v';Lsf] ;Ldf /x]g . d sNkgfsf] t'jf¤nf] leq /Db} uP¤ . cfgGbj[i^LnfO{ cfkm' leq dxz'; ub}{ uP¤ . To;kl% Psl%gd} r'^\sL aHof] . nfp/]n] uf]nL k*\sfPem}¤ cfjfh kl*\sof] . d}n] t'jf+nf] x^fPem}+ u/]¤ xftn] . Ps}l%gdf lgnf] cfsfz klg afbn' eof] . Tof] afbn la:tf/} b'wfn' x'b}+ uof] . ;f¤emsf] a]nf, dg t sxf¤ sxf¤ axlsP%, kQ} ePg .

“hLjg efOÆ – nf} df¥of] . d t wtL{df ahf/LP%' h:t} eof] dgdf . ;a} lkmSsf lkmSsf lyof] . /; a]u/sf] lyof] zx/ . la:s'g cem rls{b} uPsf] lyof] . d sf]&f cfP¤ To;kl%, Psl%g t lttf] kf] nfu]sf] h:tf] eof] dgdf t/ ofbx? u'lnof klg x'¤bf /x]%g\ slxn]sfxL¤, Tof] klg kQf nufP¤ d}n] . e/] km]/L ;kgLdf pgLnfO{ b]lv/x¤] . pgnfO{ ;kgLdf b]lv/x¤] .

WRITTEN BY – JEEVAN DAHAL

CHANDRAGADI – 1, JHAPA,

jeevdsk@gmail.com
9841981057

Tuesday, Magh 21^st, 2070, Saraswati Puja Day

GANTABYA 70'

lIflthsf ls/)f;u}+ knfpg] u/]sf] cfzf

ef]nLsf] kvf{Odf cfh rNg] u/]sf] Zjfz ..

k|ltIffsf] uf]/]^f]df ;w}+ cl# a(\g] lhGbuLsf] af;

uGtAosf] vf]hLdf lglSnPsf] of] rNg] nf; ..

v} sxf+ k"Ug] xf] ef]nL s]xL &]ufg %}g

cfzf k"/f eP/ pHofnf] e]l^g] s"g} dzfg %}g ..

lx+l*/x]%" d PSn} gj jif{sf] ;d;f+emdf

ofqfsf] cfkm\gf] PSnf] /fhdf ..

lnP/ ;fgf] cfzfsf] TofGb|f]

uGtAosf] vf]hLdf hn]sf] cfGb|f] ..

lnP/ ;fgf] cfzfsf] TofGb|f]

uGtAosf] vf]hLdf hn]sf] cfGb|f] ..

CREATIONS-JEEV: MOMMA, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?

CREATIONS-JEEV: MOMMA, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?

Poems and Stories- Jeev: THE LAST WORD...

Poems and Stories- Jeev: THE LAST WORD...

THE LAST WORD...

THE LAST WORD

A FICTION STORY

We were friends from the very prime age as if from the sperm itself. And we were so intimate that we used to share feelings, everything and even bed. The only thing that divided us was our private organs. But to the rest we are even now the same as past. And now it has become twenty one years and both finished our Graduation. As our discipline was same we used to read separate but our interaction was more than our reading or the studies. That was a great fun. I liked her and she also liked me very much, of course. We used to talk about other partners and joke or try to do the same with each other but it was not possible to love because we did not think like that.

Once in real, it was her 15^th birthday, she was in deed looking so gorgeous that I had lost my sense of intimate friendship and smelled some sort of liking-ness of her within me. Of course, she too was awaiting me desperately as the most awaited scene in the film’s story, or as like the most awaited movement when there was about to declare some like new political practice, or like the awaited passion by the bridegroom from the bride while in the first night of the marriage-“Honeymoon”. Well, I was there with coat and tie, quite handsome with a gift to her in the hand- a bunch of roses and a golden colored watch. She was waiting for me to blow off the burning candles in front of her and slice the cake and pop in to her mouth by me. I wonder how such beautiful feelings flew inside her heart for me though in the presence of all, parents and close relatives- she was waiting for me. I came with cheerful face and got to set myself for her overwhelming charm on the occasion, in my presence she blew off the fifteen burning candles and than called my name to chop the cake, little apportioned it and pop in her mouth with the help of mine. A princess with the cake which I fed her made me so elated that I could not resist with my eyes remained without tears.

Later on, in the park we became alone and than she asked for her birthday gift. I kneeled down with my left knee down and the right one slightly up and raised my right arm high enough to reach near her breast which was in the course of boom slowly and gradually. She too looked down towards me with a majestic smile and same sort of pose as if she was the royal highness. Her wide open lips in the pride of friendship made me grow to adore her in my arms, and than I happened to say with a huge courage, “I wish you accepting this birthday gift to you, dear piece of heart.” She gladly admired my style of conveying, accepted and than sat near me. I slowly made her lie towards me and asked what she was feeling at the moment. The same tone of friendship and some sort that resembled a flame of love in the heart of both made it even difficult to breathe and go pass time with the high pounding heart.

I uttered soft- “Asmee, I love you so much.” I want to marry you, will you marry me?” She stood up. I saw her expression, she starred at me as if I have done so huge mistake that at once  something’s gonna come and ruin all what we have in the world or the stars gonna grow big to smash us both. And than she became calm to think, I placed me near her to know what she was thinking or perhaps to listen her words on my first ever proposal. She denied me with tears shedding in her beautiful fish eyes, and the reason was a mystery to even me, her best friend. I remained with the answers unexplored, though while the time passed as usual to us in the remaining years and remaining birthdays.

Resumed sense of friendship made both of us as easier as we were earlier and as intimate of the past as well. Same bold nature and the same fun, everything went fine even passing with such affections on each other, I don’t know why, and she didn’t even uttered what I wanted. That was all about the incident happened between Asmee and me in her festive like celebration on her birthday.

        It was the first week of December and we used to go to a stadium for jogging. And on Sunday while we were jogging she said to me,

”Hey, I could not run any longer; see my legs going crazy.’’

But I, I just gigged and ran further ignoring what she was saying. And after a while presuming my sense I turned to her but she was already fallen in the ground. So I ran to her but till then she had become stiff and her eyes were just about to close; her lips were stumbling heavily and her nose inflating. I could not stop tears rolling heavily as if there was an ocean of tears behind it. I could not judge what to do and my mind went short circuiting. Within seconds I called an Ambulance, then her father. She was already fainted until we reached the emergency ward of the hospital. It was really late when her check-up started. Really it was late. I did not know when my friend stopped breathing, when the last breathe was exhaled. And before a while in such a short span of time she once said to me-

‘’Jeev, I love you….’’

 To which I just nodded and took my sight away for emergency as I was also trembling.

        But, I realize now that it was not a part of joke we used to crack and say I love you to each other, in fact that was a reality which she uttered in intense care from her delightful heart and from her last breathe-the last voice-the last word. But still the mystery never remained unturned to me while in her denial; and her appraisal at this stage of life now, while she was in the course to fight with her own life to come into the earth and live with me.

        I could not close my ears with both the hands which were free before fainting when someone near me with white dress spoke out softly……………………………..sorry, she is dead.

MOMMA, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE?

Momma, who am I supposed to be?

I am Tom, 22 years old, a little lanky with pale face and with whitish-brown complexion and a short hair. Well, this is my introduction.

            Today, here at my house I’m seeing at the summer clouds coming to me or to the season that’s starting soon, flying from the far away ocean, to my roof. Perhaps, it’s symbolizing a rainy season to start soon. I am on the roof as if I am to welcome the season, sitting on the chair and with a table umbrella above me and than nothing more above to that, yes nothing. There were dark clouds in the sky more or less about to cry. It was so that as if the sky’s been awaiting me to welcome those summer rains in disparity. But I am enjoying not that actual stuffs that I am talking about, but the actual matter is I am enjoying the despair within own self and the partners of that mono- sentiments and my loneliness were a bottle of grape wine, a wine glass and a pack of cigarette. Well, oops! I have forgotten to tell something to you that today I am having my 22^nd birthday, and therefore I preferred to remain alone and think the purpose of my living with the vivid earthly materials to me so far as I am concerned to.

            Seventeen years back, while in the summers of 1993 A.D., I was supposed to go to a school today, well I meant the same day seventeen years ago. My momma, she was dressing me up. New dress with black pants and white shirt, black shoes well polished- a brand new one ‘Caterpillar’ and with white stripped with black colors and a stripped ‘pink, blue and white’ colored tie.

“Of course, you looked like a prince, my son”- My momma cried in elation to make me happier than she was. Well, to be looked like a prince I too was very happy. Merry moments for me when I always got dressed for my school. And before leaving for school, on the gate of my apartment, I happen to ask a childish question to my momma, in fact this was supposed to be a question that I am unanswered till now though I know the importance of education,

Me:                  Momma, who am I supposed to be?

Momma:           What do you mean by that, dear?

Me:                  Who am I supposed to be in the future, momma?

Momma:           Err... Well, you gonna become the most successful man in the world for me and for all!

Me:                  Tha-an… is it necessary to go to the school, momma?

Momma:           Of course! Son, you gonna get good grades, that leads you higher and even higher in the future and you gonna for sure be a successful man in the future, okay?

Me:                  Well, okay mom.

Momma:           That’s like a good boy.

(The school bus comes and blows the horn)

Me:                  I am leaving mom, I love you…

Momma:           Love you too, honey. Love you prince! Babye.

All right, even today I still remember my momma in the courtyard, waving me while I was about to go to the school for the first time of my life. I even remember the whole conversation we had near the gate while waiting for the school bus to arrive. And now too I am here sitting with the same question, well now this time with many and many more questions with the necessary judgments’ and compare those momma’s words in the today’s relevant future. I am trying perhaps to solve this question by myself because I am alone without my momma this time and yes this question seems much more difficult to me than the derivation a black hole in the sky while reading astronomy and the geology.

            And again I recall the past memories, and try as many question to be answered by myself so far as possible. Well, I have my own sense and when I would have no answers of my own than perhaps the wine and the cigarette would help me. Perhaps, they seem to give me answers as per my state of mind right now.

            Well, that day, I returned tired from the school. I threw bag on the sofa and untied the tie. Momma was there and as soon as the school bus horned for my presence, she started preparing me a toast with jam and milk and came to me. Than I started,

            Momma:           How was your day, dear?

            Me:                  I don’t know. I missed you a lot, momma.

            Momma:           (She smiles at me to console my upset face). So, what did you learn?

            Me:                  Really, momma those books were so tiresome to me. I am not gonna read any more and I am not gonna go to the school any more.

            Momma:           Hey, hey, prince what happened to you, what’s the matter?

            Me:                  Yes…err… mom. Isn’t there anything to make me successful in the future?

            Momma:           Grades makes you successful, I want to see you, my son- you, in the skyscrapers’ of New York and in the Toronto. Don’t you ever think of it, my son?

            Me:                  Well… let me think…err… yes of course mom! We’d better shift to the New York from here next week, than how about being both on the skyscrapers’ without grades?

            Momma:           Oh! You’d better not joke with me, buddy. That’s not the answer I was expecting from you.

            Me:                  Well, momma, isn’t it a truth. I’ll learn to be rich and the wealthy person to become successful man in the future from right now onwards so why go to the school, read those big books and waste the time. In fact, the office time.

            Momma:           Office time? Woe… office time, it sounds ridiculous to any one if you spell that out, you’re too small and you don’t know any business.

            Me:                  Well, than. You didn’t teach me any thing of that did you?

            Momma:           You gonna learn by yourself, while you go elder, son?

            Me:                  How do I learn? Who’s gonna teach me and why can’t I learn the tactics right now onwards, why mom?

            Momma:           Listen dear, you have to go to the long way for that and if you go get good grades in the school, you’ll be able to admit in the Universities and than you gonna acquire the all things you need. Of course, you gonna make a lot of money and become a successful man in the future. You gonna secure your future by getting a highly paid bank cheques.

            Me:                  So mom, what’s a University?

            Momma:           It’s a place, you know to learn the practices of life and without getting the university degrees anyone will give you a nice job and hence you can’t be a successful man in the future. You’ll become a shadow in front of the bulb.

            Me:                  So, why don’t you teach me what practices of the life should I have to enjoy so that I would have my career groomed while being at home? Isn’t it fast and productive instead going to the school?

            Momma:           Oh! C’mon dear, why don’t you try to understand your mom? Try becoming a good boy rather asking me those silly questions.

            Me:                  I want the answer momma; I am not going to the school any more without the answers and until and unless I am satisfied.

            Momma:           Shut up! Where the hell you go than? What you wanna do?

            Me:                  Anywhere I like to, any where to make myself successful in the world. Let me be free momma, I will show you one day becoming successful without grades and without the schools.

            Momma:           I don’t let you free and you are going to school tomorrow, the following day and everyday. I want you playing with the books every time, making notes and all that. And at last, remind it “school’s the best temple of education and to become a person.” The school’s gonna make you successful from all sides.

Than I was compelled to go to the school, though at the times that came to me became so hard for me to cope. My freedom were by somewhat seized yet I never loosed to think what the business is and what was my ultimate target is because I always remembered my momma’s first answer,

“You gonna become the most successful man in the world for me and for all!”

And the last answer,

            “The school’s gonna make you successful from all sides.”

Whenever, I used to reopen the topic, my momma used to give me chocolates and ask me, close the topic. Now I understand why people give chocolates to the children.

            And as my momma wished me, I did really went to the school all day, even she made my sense like going to school even on the Christmas, how funny! I got good grades too, every time, and I even used to play the instruments of education. Every body believed that I succeeded to my studies and all that but what I actually feel is I am still dull in the practices of life because to what I had been expecting from my childhood. I had not even got a hint of it till this time. I don’t even know what is my momma doing to live alone and likely, what are my neighbors, uncles and all, doing to make themselves stand on their feet?

            And in comparison I feel myself achieved nothing but only the grades, which to my perception doesn’t feed me without doing anything. Had I been so hard worker all throughout those many years I would have created some great ideas and some business to earn money and than to run life successfully and than further to become a successful person for my momma as she has always wished me being in the sky crappers of the New York and the Toronto. I would have chance to show my momma what I have done and where I am; really I swear I would fulfill my dreams but my momma compressed all my dreams, my intellects and my instincts’ in her basket and now I suppose those have already ruined and got rotten with the sentiments of the past childhood. I think the practices of life have not adopted my education or the valuable asset of the entire human civilization because I have not been able to use it in the practical behavior and consciences.

            Rain drops began to touch my table umbrella and softly on the floor of my roof. I opened the cork of the wine bottle that was aside me lying in the basket to be opened by me as if it also wanted to see the open world, and enjoy the freedom. So why do I not let it enjoy its life and than I let it; and started pouring the wine slowly as if my life’s going on and on in the slow progression and as if I am supposed to die in desperation. The bubbles of the wine slowly disperse to become the wine itself and I think that is my hope which is slowly fading like those demised wine bubbles. And again gazing with my actions and recalling the same memoirs, I pick up a cigarette from the pack. A movement of progression from picking to the popping into the lips casts some slow hope in the life. Than accordingly, I start lighting up the lips of the cigarette and through which I find myself somewhat taking pleasure of the smokes passing to my lungs via my own lips. Again, I recall my childhood days in which I was so eager to hunt money without grades in schools and while at the college. Some thoughts of my mind, you know, would toll so absurd as I had a conversation with my momma, the very first day of my schooling; But yes I realize that I was the one who searched and deserved to know what money is and what the business entrepreneurship is and how it would work to make myself worthy? Well, more or less I found the answer while undergoing at the University level. Yet still I am dull in the practices of life.

            Yes, I repeat though having top grades while at the school level and at the college and University, I think still I deserve nothing in the life of mine, I don’t even know why? One of my friend is a Captain in the airline crew, the other one is a banker, the other one is a account holder, the other one is an engineer, the other one just passed in the MBBS, and so and so. Yes, the education they got and I have got is not the separate as we are used to be taught by the same teacher and lectured in the same class, even the same desk. But the only thing is that, I have got higher grades and far more degrees than those my so called successful friends to my mom and yet I have to sit like this to welcome the tears of the sky on the roof which is even more pathetic than what it is heard and how do I express. I know how to apply the core of the words that I had been taught but the only thing is that my Theo- philosophies directs me to plan of my own from the very past, I suppose.

            Wine sips continues on and on gradually and the pack of cigarette is nearly about to finish. I keep searching for the answer; looking at the wet sky. I feel as if my dreams got wiped away by the oozing of wet sky and my answers’ too gone away but yet my life doesn’t. Again, time’s always been a dictator to me so well my life has become as a maid of it, still so fragile, not properly woken up as I am given sleeping pills long time ago when I was about to awake and when my sentiments guided myself to open up the feathers, my momma became a vampire and gave me chocolates to which I call it a sleeping pills. And finally now I found my feathers well built there’s no idea, no prey to hunt, so skills without where to use doesn’t work.

            Here I stayed to celebrate my twenty second birthday, and with full of mess, doubts and questions, as it is because I didn’t even choose to work for others because I am an educated person but what else to do makes a difference at this phase of life?

            What else to do momma? I am an educated person; I got good grades both at school and at the college as you’ve wished. Really momma I need you now because at my childhood, you encouraged me not to learn doing business but to follow the trends. I miss you momma, I miss you a lot and I have missed you for the second time of my life. The first time I missed you at the very first day of my school life and the second is now when I have found lots of messy questions to be solved for which I am not aware of. Momma, do I need sleeping pills now because I have lots and lots of absurd questions to you?

            I know momma you told me to learn harder and become the most successful person in the world so here I am with the asset of my life that is the education, but where to use up to become the most successful person in the world? Still on the earth I am in search of the answers all around, with the help of my best friends- wine and the cigarette. And as if those cigarette puffs that I exhale come out of my core of the lungs and start searching for the answer, dissolving in the air, perhaps those gonna make me a meaningful person in the world and than some what wine that I take in reach my veins and cells to encourage on searching for years and years to come.

            “And therefore the mono-sentiments of a twenty two year guy guide him along the lane of roof as he has seen nothing accomplished in his life. He holds the de facto, yet his weapons’ silent without usage.”- I calculated this to myself and smiled in desperation. I every time remembered my momma ordering me to learn business, play with the educational tools, go to the school but she didn’t teach me what to do after that, I suppose, had I been left free, not given me chocolates, I would have chosen something to start of my own and specialize in that particular subject matter. I think, I have become some sort of “Jack of all trades but the master of none.”

            So, momma ascending to the twenty second year of my life, after completing my school and college level with the most graded marks, I wanna ask you momma for the only last time, the only question that I used to ask while at the childhood, okay, so I repeat momma, but please don’t give me chocolates this time because I am in real trouble,

           

“Momma, who am I supposed to be in the future?”

REMEMBERING YOU

      

Sip after sip, and I remember you!
I lie on the bed, and I remember you!!
My head is on the pillow, and I remember you!!!

My eyes are closed, still I remember you!
Only my heart beats, to remember you!!
Only my brain calculates, and I remember you!!!

I have a cause, and I remember you!
I don't have a cause, and I remember you!!
I imagine, and I remember you!!!

Things play in the heart, and I remember you!
I feel you near everytime, I reacall your voice, and I remember you!!

I remember you, for no reason
Simply a reason
Ocean of reason!
While exposing  a dream, and I remember you!!

For the sake of truth, I remember you!
For myself, I remember you!!
For you, I remember you!!!

Sip after sip, and I remember you!
And sip after sip, I remember you!!
And than, sip after sip, I remember you!!!

A Complete Dream within a Dream!

I lied on the bed; started planning
Start up composing

And than I surfed; all planned composition
And within a dream it was morning!!

Hami Nepali lai ajhai Shanti Chahiyeko cha

SO DON'T YOU EVER FALL IN LOVE

I'd loved you ever since when
My eyes and heart met with you


I'd told my dreams and feelings
Ever every seconds by heart when I see you through


But now obviously I'm flooded with tears
'Coz now she has gone off away from me


My fully flowered paths in heart is now deserted
By the one whom I dreamed every nights


I'm now drinking the wine of grief for myself
And so this heart says me not to fall in love with any one


So hey, don't you ever fall in love!!!

BE YOURSELF

                                          --You are alone to walk throughout the lifetime so never ever wait for other 'coz they cant reach up to you...


Its your day
Its your life
Whatever you do
So do it for yourself
Dont you ever think of me
Dont you count others
Let others cry and leave me there
Dont you ever come near to express sympathy
Dont Dear Dont


You know lifes like a maze
The more you go in
The deeper you be
Youll feel that youll never come out
And so it happens exactly
SO hey dont you ever see others
Think of yourself
'Coz you find doing the same to you
They never feel you 
They never heal you
They are not capable of doing so
Really really they are not


You are said to be born alone
And youll find yourself dying alone
Both nude
While cradle and on cremation
So why whats the reason
On giving time to others
I wish all beings being selfish
And so you do too
The more you go far alone
The more thing youll gain

The saint youll become
The NIRVANA youll achieve
Hey if you want to walk
Try actually walk by yourself
Your own insights
Your own guidance
And so you are
Considered to walk
As you are gifted to walk
You have legs
As you are gifted with
Hands eyes ears and all and all
Everything and everything what you need to survive
So dont you even stop
Imagining life after life
'Coz life after life after life
Is you day dream
Youll never enjoy the royalty
As you enjoy right now

So just go on go on and go on
Its your day
Its your life
I feel you never returned
And would feel so glad for that
Who says theres no happiness?
While travelling alone
Travelling actually is itself a fun
Its real happiness
Its the truth we should search for
Wherever you go
However you express
Never return to the same form
Change change yourself
From no hairs to the white hairs on your body


Dont you ever try to do the same
Dont you ever return back
I know you dont
'Coz you cant
'Coz till then youll know what travelling is
I know you had not known life before
Youll never know it afterward too
So cover how much you can
Move to what extent you do
Streetch how much large youll occupy
See how far your eyes views
Hear to the dumb
Be mortal while on earth
Love youyself ever 
Love others never
Let them be a log
'Coz while moving towards the eternity
Youll see them as a lying log
And so keep your lifes journey up
Keep it up keep it up
Never ;look down and never look back
keep your head high and held
Now its your day
Its your life.........................................

CHANGE, I

She was my friend. I never spoke to her before. It is so because I never had any further relationship with colleagues, except hello and hi.

On the background, I would like to define myself as a creative person as in the farewell occasion, I begun creative act 'coz no-one was doing what I did. Actually, I was handshaking with every one of my class, taking notes and contacts, names and signs. Those were my fun times. And now it has become an year or so the time has passed so fast. Within the passage of time, now, I've made many female mates, so close and so franc and I hope that they too analyze my nature to be friendly and franc, for god's sake.

Eventually, I just used to call her just for a matter of studies and chilling out of the daily stuffs. I had not thought of her more than a friend, in fact not a good friend even- I repeat,"Just a good friend". She used to respond me and call sometimes. This way we started. Time passes so swiftly and now I don't even realize that I can't go on without even opening my parcel of feeling to anyone. Most often she's become my victim, my prey.

I called her once on her cell phone, till than we had become good friends, slowly and gradually maturing towards frankness, she too responded in a good  nature and so I did. The next time, she called me, we talked for longer minutes, but we never tried to exchange those alphabets of the main theme of talking and so till now we are enjoying like that. As I stayed far away feelings went deeper and deeper, we exchanged news and views of the college days and friends. To speak so frankly and sensitively within each other should be a gift to both of us and that's wonderful.

This way we used to talk, make often contacts and it really made us so intimate as we are really in paradise of personal touch a sensation of love. Once, when I was returning home without prior notice to any one, I failed 'coz she knew exactly what I wanted to deceive. You know, how wonderful one feels if so intimate knows the others feeling of the hidden heart. And than she called me on my cell, I felt quite awkward on what on what  to say but I knew she's well equipped to ignore such awkwardness. I was invited to meet for which I too was intending.

And this way, we met together after a long time and I found myself to open to her, to any girl for the very first girl of my life time. Yes, I opened to her and knew what her intention of meeting me and made it a date for again the first time of my life with her. We enjoyed entertaining each other keeping busy on talking rational and irrational and future plans. For a while we kissed and that was the first kiss of my life time. Her frankness made so mad to stuck with her even now, I learned many things like how to co respond with a female 'coz I was the very person of that sort who used to say 'same to you' if any girl wished me "Happy Birthday". That is how, now I declare a derivation of unknown one's to the closer and so near within the walls of heart and memories, from the farewell day to a year after it. I'm feeling wow, whatsoever other understand. Now I love her and she does the same to me, I don't know to what extent it goes but I am really changed.